...I Might Be The Asshole

I consider myself a straightforward person, I make it a point to tell the truth to people whether it hurts or not. Now don't get the wrong idea, I know how to keep my mouth shut and don't use "honesty" as an excuse to spout mean things. I'm a die-hard honesty fan because I absolutely hate misunderstandings. Especially when it involves things like emotions, my job, or relationships. This particular incident involved emotions and a FWB relationship.

To keep a long story short I was casually seeing someone who was looking to have multiple partners. At the time I thought that was something I was fine with. That I too wanted to see and be intimate with multiple people. However, when it became a reality and I realized the connection between me, him, and this unknown woman I became irritated, disgusted, and confused. I can't relax without knowing my sexual health is clear and clean, I'm the type to get tested after every partner (not as common as you'd think) and when I started to overthink the fact that I could be at risk by messing with this man who's messing with God knows who else...needless to say I freaked out. Even with protected sex, it still gave me the willies.

Anyway, we started to argue about it as time went and I came to the conclusion that it's just not something I'm comfortable with. We decided to just be friends and I assumed we'd be done from there. He still wanted to talk and such but outside of sex I wasn't sure what we had in common and it was getting difficult to get perspective on how I was feeling and what these emotions meant. I can't really recall if I ghosted him or if I told him I didn't want to talk anymore, but I blocked him to keep my head clear.

As time went on and I healed from the inner turmoil I decided to reach out. Full honesty I was horny and lonely and thought reaching out to him would be a quick fix. I reached out and immediately blocked him after. I thought to myself "WHAT on earth are you doing?" I couldn't face it if he ignored my message and do I really feel right opening this back up for those reasons? To avoid all consequences I ran as fast as I could.

Now to the present day, I returned to Tinder, casually scrolling as one does, and I saw his profile. It took me a while but I reached out to him again, this time waiting for a reply and kind of excited to see if he does. As for my reason for reaching out this time, I don't really have one. I kept going back and forth with whether or not I wanted to resume a sexual relationship with him but bottom line I knew I wanted to reconnect.

Surprise surprise he remembers everything. I fully expected us to chit-chat and catch up and pretend nothing ever happened but not only does he remember the falling out he remembers my reaching out and subsequent disappearance. He wants an explaination and for once I'm the one that owes one. We haven't had the impending conversation yet but he has made it clear that before we continue anything that needs to be addressed. It's interesting being on this side and kind of under fire since I messed with this man's head, I assumed I couldn't do that to any man let alone one who has multiple other partners to occupy his time without me. I may be the asshole here but I won't apologize for it. I ended communication with them for my benefit and to get my thoughts in order, what I would apologize for (and feel bad for) is that they thought I hated them. I wouldn't want someone to feel like I hated them... especially if it's not true.

If you've ever found out you were the asshole comment below and tell me how it went.